SATURDAY'S WITH STEF: I crave Stability

 

I crave stability.

I feel like I never really had it. I guess that is why I long for it when I have my own family. 

I don't want them growing up feeling unstable, having people walk out on them, abused, or emotionally corrupted like I have.

I don' want a perfect husband, but one who wouldn't dare shatter my heart or our family. The kind of husband who I fight with and instead of leaving the house, he goes sits his ass in another room until we can TALK it out.

Yeah, there will be NO yelling in my house unless there is a fire.

Yelling scares me. Stems from my childhood.

Stability.

Will I get that? Or will I always be a loser (that's how I feel) constantly moving.

A place to call home.

A place to say, "This is it...this is where I am planting my seeds to watch it grow."

I'll be honest, I feel like I am being punished.

For what? No clue.

I feel like I am stuck. I can move. Im not a tree.

So I make moves. 

I've applied to jobs. 

Some people seem to think the job market is so amazing right now.

Have they not seen who our president is?

How badly the job market is and I am in a race with millions of people here in L.A just to snag a job.

When do things get better for us.

When can we finally exhale and smile?

I crave stability.