Saturday's with Stef

10:01 AM

Where do I start? Lets be brutally honest. I just got out of a bad relationship that consisted of verbal abuse, emotional abuse and some physical abuse. Spent a whole year with his addiction to Meth, held his hand through rehab, even put up with his desire to seek sex on Craigslist. Gross, I know. But, I made it out the storm and to be honest, I am so much better off without him. Sure parts of my wound hasn't healed, but most parts have. I like this guy, he's cute and we seem to vibe. I'm not looking for serious, just someone to spend time with. Gave him my number, and hasn't called, yet still flirts with me on Facebook and Email. A few friends know him, so he is in fact single. However, some believe he is intimated by me. Why would he be intimated by me. I am still in my 200's and compared to some of the girls, who are thinner, I don't think I am THAT pretty. This whole back on the market stuff, is just not for me. I'm 25, I was suppose to be married and at least have one kid...however, I am sure God had a better plan for me. So I play it, what I call, CRAZY.SEXY.COOL. Act chill, flirt back but not so much that I look desperate. When reality is, this guy has been on my mind for some time now. 
 I think as confident as I seem, the little girl who is broken comes out and believes, "Why would he possibly want me? I am not thinner and we all know thinner women are throwing themselves at this dude, so he can get a thinner and prettier woman." Then I remember, I am Stefanie. I have beautiful curves that not only men but women want.
Any advice, suggestions?


Lupe said...

First of all, just came across your blog and congrats on getting out of that abusive relationship. I grew up with domestic violence from parents and they are finally separated after 25 years.

So about you being 25 and should be married, so not true. It's common for hispanics to get married young but honestly things are different now but I guess not so much different. I am married at 22 but that's because I happened to met and started dating my hubby since I was 13 but sometimes I wish I would've met him later and marry him in my late 20s. A lot of SeƱoras Mexicanas are on me about having kids, but I'm so not ready and I feel young but to them I'm probably old.

I think you should continue to talk to the guy you are liking! Give it some time.

Traci Marie Wolf said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I married an addict once and it was pure hell! It takes sometime to heal from the emotional manipulation so give yourself a break. I know it's not easy to be lonely but after going through what you went through you know it is better than the latter.

I think that when we don't take the time to heal we end up with similar men. After my relationship I didn't end up with addicts but I did end up with manipulators. After I attracted 3 new weirdos, I decided to take a year off to be single to work on myself. It was exactly what I needed to really figure out what I want in a man and avoid the crap I was attracting.

My aunt told me that old saying "When the students ready, the teacher will appear." That's how it is with love.

When you are truly healthy and ready, a good man will appear. You want a confident man who will come after you. He may be intimidated but that's a red flag that he may not be ready to seal the deal.

Melissa said...

You can't love another if you can't fully love your self. Your beautiful but if you can't see that he'll probably not be able to either.

And I am 24 going on 25 and not married yet with no kids...Yikes I need to hurry it up lol ;)

The Merry Traveller said...

Well I'm really glad you got out of a relationship that is emotionally damaging. The ex seeking sex on CraigsList would be the ultimate for me because he is not respecting me as a partner and obviously could care less. If he loves me, he wouldn't put me through this type of humiliation and pain. In summary, I am glad you have the chance to walk away and open yourself up for opportunities.

And as for the guy you are interested in, i'm sure you definitely have qualities that appeal to him and if he really likes you for who you are, he will see you beyond the fact that you may be heavier than other stickthin girls, he will appreciate that having you around makes him feel whole but it's better to take things slowly and find a man who is ready to accept you and is proud to be with you.

Unknown said...

you have a beautiful face, and im sure u also look good as a whole (nevermind if your curvier than most!) always carry urself with pride no matter how big you may be or feel because at the end of the day we where not all born to be exactly the same, and thin doesnt appeal to everyone! as for being 25and not married, hay muchacha, you are still young, and have so much to look forward to, i got married 2 years ago and im only now considering babies (im 27)... just wait until u find the guy who makes u feel like no other, but before that, learn to love yourself completely... xxx