I miss you grandpa

9:06 PM

It's been 4 years without him and it still hasn't gotten easier .

SATURDAY'S WITH STEF: Daddy Dearest.....

9:56 PM

I sat here today and thought about what to write. I am beyond sickened by my dad. I looked at all the bills he put in my name and felt like vomiting. BILLS. Plural. Who does this to their child. What monster does this to their child? 

I sit here and wonder how a human can live like this. I need a new car. My credit is shot. BECAUSE OF HIM and I need a new car badly. 

As if his physical abuse wasn't enough. He does this. What a disgusting man.

He beat me as a kid and I forgave. I used to love my dad. Not a whole lot. But I loved him. Now I am not even sure I do. I don't think I do because as bad as this may sound: If he were to pass, I don't think I would cry horribly like I did with my grandparents who raised me. 

Call me a bitch. Whatever you want. But when you have a parent ROB you , you tend to get beyond angry. I have to find a way out of this mess he made. Because like always, daddy dearest never takes blame for any of the damage he causes. 

I hope and pray when I have kids, their father loves them and would never do this to them. I know God will never allow this pattern to happen nor will I because I will never let my kids suffer like I have.