Saturday's with Stef

12:06 AM

I know many of you are wondering about me. Who is Stefanie. Well I began my weight journey back in 2007. I was in a relationship and it wasn't a good one. One day while having sex, I heard him say he wanted sex with a thinner woman. *Can you feel the pain in my chest yet* I cried for days upon days, till this day he will say he didn't say that. But us women, we remember things like that. 
How can I NOT remember those words. When I say I cried days upon days. I REALLY mean I was having anxiety attack after anxiety attack over his senseless choice of words.
It was then I joined Weight Watchers. I will never forget that feeling I felt when I heard those words spew out his mouth. What man says that to someone he supposedly loves? What kind of human being says that? At the time I thought, "A monster, that's who!" but now, 4 years later, I realized only a hurt,damaged man says that. Does that mean I forgive him? Not completely. But in some aspects I have to forgive him. If I cant, then I wouldn't have been able to move on and succeed at weight loss. However I don't forget. 
I started weight watchers at 250 pounds. Mind you, I stand at a tall 5'4. So, looking back at pictures, I don't even now how I didn't feel that weight on me. I honestly look back and my eyes bulge out of my head, "That was me!?"  Some times all it takes is words to break you. I know those words broke me. In fact they shattered me. I had never felt so ugly in my life. This may be why till this day I have insecurities about my weight at times. 

Words hurt.

He wanted sex with a thinner woman...
And now four years later, I am here, sharing my story...

P.S: That picture is taken a week before I was told he wanted to have sex with a thinner woman...


Melissa said...

I am sorry you had to hear that during an act of "intimacy". Certain words certainly have a huge impact on us and how we approach situations.

An ex once told me (I was in hs) that I would never amount to much and that one day he would see me in his nice "truck" and I'd probably be with kids behind me yelling in the same "hood", fast forward, no kids, a b.a, a great career, a man whom I love immensely and I know the feeling is returned. The guy who told me this, has a baby momma, didn't finish school, and is a door man (none of which are bad things or things to be ashamed of) but to his own standards HE'S EATING ALL OF HIS WORDS!

Sometimes we need a dose of "what others think of us" TO KEEP IT MOVING!

Your beautiful Stef- Thanks for sharing!

Leslie said...

thanks for sharing stef and letting us in and like you said it isnt easy. us women do remember things like that because they hurt us and mold us in a way that we ourselves dont understand. im glad that you changed something of yourself to make yourself feel better but then again for him to blurt that out while having sex is painful and right down mean. your really beautiful :) and from your videos i can tell your a beautiful person as well you have a friendly heart! xoxo

Whitney 'Nic' James said...

your blog is just so inspiring, as i have commented before. i am glad that you are sharing these stories. hopefully you are helping someone out in the process.

you're lovely and keep up the great work!


Unknown said...

I'm really sorry that you had to hear those words from him. Are you still involved with him? You are a lot better than that and your fitness goals are for yourself.

I used to eat terribly years ago and vowed myself to change my ways so I can live a healthier lifestyle. I go to the gym and still indulge from time to time. You can do it! :)