Saturday's with Stef: Let me just vent....

12:01 AM


"Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."
 -Dirty Dancing

It's funny when you meet someone and they are everything you never knew you always wanted. Polar opposite of "your type" Different from the rest. 

I have been in the "Funk", my soul needed some love. Some self-love. Pardon me if I haven't showed your blog love. My head has been in the clouds and my soul shaken.

Losing weight is hard. I speak of this SEVERAL times. But this time it's different. I cried to my mom and told her that I still feel like the old Stefanie sometimes. My insecurities get the best of me and I start to over-think, jump the gun and expect the worse. She looked at me, like a loving mother could , and said, "Stef...you are NEW" Adjusting to losing weight has been hard. Those of you who have lost weight and have a totally different mold, get this. Those who dont, but it this way, Its an eye-opener to "This is me NOW!"

The past two days I have surrounded myself with those who REALLY love me. Those who know I have flaws and love me anyways. My biggest fear is not being accepted for who I am now. Let's face it: Dating an Addict is WAY different from a Sober man. To make it more hard is in my head I am scared that I wont be good enough to date or even be with. IN MY HEAD.

I let my insecurity get the best of me. I cant let that happen to me. I have NO reason to be insecure. NO reason. I am a good person, take that back, an AMAZING person.

 

6 comments:

Savannah said...

Don't let the negative weigh you down, you're too good for that!
xxx

Big Mark 243 said...

Well I am only guessin' ...

One of the things is that you are adjusting to the new you, not having to think about are you too anything... and still acknowledging how far that you WANT to go while you are a different, more attractive person...

I think that it you make sure that it is YOU that you are losing weight for and that YOU are happy, then the efforts will not be in vain..! Keep up the good work..!

L&R
Mark

traci's mixed bag said...

I think everyone no matter what have some insecurities but I think the difference between someone healthy and someone who's a mess is what they do with those insecurities. I think you're doing the right thing, talking about them, working on them. You have grown so much as a person in just the past year, I know I'm super proud of you.

Bisi Dipo said...

life is not a bed of roses and even roses have thorns. show me a person who is happy all the time and i will show you a liar. everybody has moments when we need to be lifted up, everybody is at one stage or another and for some reason, in need of reassurance that we're great the way we are. I'm not trying to belittle your feelings but i'm just saying that, going through this period does not mean that you're not still the confident, beautiful and lovely Stef.

Crystal said...

Amazing and magical...we all are :)
Cheers to all the good !

Itzel Yagual said...

Honey, we all have flaws..some people perpetrate and act like their perfect yet we, the real folks and yourself see them for who they are. Never let anyone question your worth. You are special in whatever way you come and in whatever way you transform yourself...as you once said to me, always do you.... XOXOX