SATURDAY'S WITH STEF: My First Romance....

12:00 AM

Friday night and I am here in bed. I skipped out om a "Date" because I had a chain of events that made me realize, "Why are you going out with him Stef?" It didn't work the first time and clearly, it wont work this time.

I was never raised to be a woman who howled for a man, like a wolf does to the moon.  Far from it. Granted, I have found myself at the mercy of Ryan, I vowed I would never put myself in that position.

Last Friday I went out with the guy I had been seeing in October. I realized mid-date that I can never date him again. I looked at him and I felt myself telling myself, "Where is your self-worth Stefanie?" I sat at the table, choked up. Where has it gone? These men don't change. At least not for me. They aren't for me.

I don't get it. I do love myself. But I always end up sitting across a table from a past lover who has treated me poorly. Trying to see the good in them. Give them the benefit of the doubt. 

I am my first romance. 

Then again, I am been feeling bad about my weight lately. So am I projecting what I feel inside and going on dates with these men? 

I should know better. But today I really sat and thought about it. 

I need to really remember how I feel each time these men call or text me.

I am my first romance.

No comments: