Saturday's with Stef

12:01 AM

There other day someone was surprised when they found out I don't have THAT much confidence as I exude. I have many insecurities, but 80% of the time I walk with my head held high and think I am just oh so gorgeous.

Reality is, some women, don't realize how much I am uncomfortable with my weight. Sometimes, for instance like yesterday, I was at ColdStone Creamery. If you have EVER been there, you would know their cake batter ice cream is TO DIE FOR! Well, I got a kids size scoop of the Cake Batter ice cream and nearly freaked out! All sorts of points numbers went through my head, "This has got to be 22 points!", "No, 15"....I swear that scoop through off my points for the day.

I got home and looked up the nutritional information. I freaked! It;'s not there! At least not for the kids size! I called corporate. They too did not have the information. *FREAKS OUT AND RUNS AROUND HYSTERICALLY LIKE A CHICKEN WITH ITS HEAD CUT OFF*

So I emailed. And they responded QUICK! A kids serving is 1/2 of a "I like it!" *WOOSH!* Ready for the points:........ 5! Not bad at all. I didn't go over my points AT ALL!  Indulging in some fatty ice cream had never tasted so good.

But I sat and ate and next to me was a thin girl with a cute little outfit on. High waisted shorts, A white tee tucked in and cute little sandals with not an ounce of cellulite on her legs, without a stretch mark to me seen. I was jealous. I am sure this girl doesn't have to worry about counting points. I am sure she has NEVER even thought twice about something looking bad on her. Maybe she has. I am making assumptions, when in reality I know she too may have some sort of body issue which clearly I don't know.

I am scared for this weigh-in. If your a woman, you will know what bloating feels like and the urge to over eat, Yes I am PMSing. I want to look good in my birthday dress. I want people to say "WOW!" and feel remarkably desirable!

Sometimes counting points really makes me sad. In fact having a weight issue sometimes makes me feel sad. I have struggled with my weight My whole life. In middle school there was this boy named Chris Alverez who teased me horribly. In high school there was a girl who I will call bologna who made fun of my weight (Even though now she is the bigger one....still....) My whole life...I am comfortable with myself, just wish I didn't have to count points.

Theres my vent for the week.


Marta said...

Never compare yourself to other women or anybody. I can't understand how can somebody be a size zero, is that even a size? I bet they don't eat and who are know what goes on. A real beautiful woman has curves. It may take time to get to the size you desire, but don't stressed over that, slowly you'll get there if you are disciplined. From the pics I've seen of you I honestly don't think you look bad, maybe you are thinking too much about your weight. The mind is crazy if you focus too much in something. Keep eating healthy, workout and enjoy life!

Wait Until The Sunset said...

hold that head high babe because you ARE beautiful!!
:) xxxxxxx

KayKay said...

keep holding your head high. the best thing a woman can have is her confidence. i can relate with you in a lot that you say. a lot of my family calls me conceited when trust me i am FAR from it with insecurities as well. im glad the points came to 5, indulge in that icecream. cold stone is freakin BOMB!!!

CynthiaAvaDevta said...

Isn't it amazing what we do to ourselves? I too am having a battle with weight lately. I gained fifty pounds when I had my daughter and finally reached my pre-baby weight...and even under two years ago. I don't know how I did it. I had a lot of health issues, so maybe that was it. Anyway, the past year, I see the scale climbing up, up, up. I have worked out four-five days a week this summer. I am a vegetarian and eat super healthy...and yet-no weight loss. I think this may be the pre-menapausal weight everyone talks about...and I am just really frustrated. Feeling ugly and just blah lately.
But you, my darling...are beautiful...You look great just the way you are. Perfect, actually. But I do understand. I saw many women my age on vacation that were very thin, tanned, beautiful...with hubbies and kids...I felt envious. I know what it feels like to compare...It's just hard being a woman in this society. HUGS, Beautiful Friend.

Unknown said...

You are beautiful the way you are. Love yourself for who you are today and not who you wish to be. Being healthy and maintaining your weight is all good. But losing weight for the wrong reasons is not so good. Everybody has imperfections that they don't like. I dislike my stomach and arms at times but I don't dwell over it and freak out. I'm me. Love it or move around. Stay positive hun! And keep your head up.


Anonymous said...

I chatted with some girls over the weekend...One weigh 103 and the other weigh 109. They both complained how they wish they were 20 pounds HEAVIER....I pointed to my "turkey wing" and said you do not want these and they both said and agreed that "they wish they could fly for free" instead of having to pay lol.....just to show different scales, same tales! -exfatgurl xoxox

Savannah said...

You're a real girl, with real curves, and you should be REALLY proud of you are! I always compare myself to the skinny girls, but at the end of the day, I will be curvy and I will not fret. Just remember, you're beautiful, and becoming even more beautiful every day!