Saturday's with Stef: Does the storm last forever?

12:32 AM


I have applied at jobs. In fact Thursday thats what I did.

You know, the ex and I had this "Plan"...Sure I know plans are never written in stone, but when someone pulls the rug right from under you, you kinda are taken back. It's no shocker that I crawled for a little bit after our break-up, then eventually stood, and now I am walking and moving forward.

KEYWORD: FORWARD

I rather be moving forward solo then with him. I always say, " And if I am flying solo at least I am flying free." However, I am broke. This is NO surprise. Having a family vacation with me being broke, makes me feel even worse. My 24 year old brother left his wife and decided to come back. Sadly, he has NO motivation for looking for a job. So not only is my mother providing for herself, her sister (After my grandpa died, she came to live with us), My little brother (who will be leaving to bootcamp in a few weeks), her husband (who also works), but for me and my brother. 

I havent asked my mom for much.

I think my tab is like $28 with my mom lol...I cant help but to ache for her. To sit down and say how sorry I am that I feel like I am a total loser.

I am pretty positive I am enjoying the vaction I am on,

And I pretty positive she looks at me and doesnt see a loser,

But I cant help but to feel so helpless.

I think, "Whats my plan now Stefanie"

Stay in school.

Continue selling ads and hopefully at the end of the semester it will add up to one big fat check.

Keep looking for a job

And most of all pray that financial aid pulls through.

Financial aid is iffy because I have exceeded units. I had to appeal, but I am hoping God hears my prayers and grants it to me. So at least my mom doesn't feel like she has to take care of me.

Again I am fretting over money...

-Sighs-

Will this storm last forever?

And will you pray I get my Financial Aid?

Have a great weekend!

7 comments:

Stephie J said...

girl you are not a loser!!! You've come soooooo far!!

At least you help out and feel bad while the others probably don't even second guess it. You're a good person hun.. you're strong and you stayed in school when you doubted yourself and I know that it will pay off in the long run. Good things are coming your way.. I promise... <3 :)

SoCal Sweetheart said...

i could tell you till im blue in the face YOU are NOT a loser, we all have our money problems even I, there were times when I had no job living with my mother while she used the 500.00 a month i got for juliya on booze and drugs and living off of 84 dollars i couldnt do anything, I then felt like a bum too. I couldnt bare to ask anyone for a hand out because In return I KNOW i couldnt pay them back. Im saddened to hear he doesnt have any motivation to get a job i think your mom is happy hes there but needs to see that she can push him to be motivated and I know u cant help but to feel remorse over her struggles even she knows how amazing you are and how much you have accomplished without the ex. I love you and im glad u are enjoying your weekend! xoxo

Curves ahead makeup said...

stay strong little lady this to shall pass !!! my prayers are with have faith is the key if your faith is high you'll get it ...

Djewelr said...

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illsay said...

I totally understand what you are going through because I am in the same situation. I am jobless, broke and totally feeling like a loooser of the biggest kind. It's hard not to feel that way but you know I think we only have TRULY lost the moment we give up. So keep your head up. If we knock scratch that BANG on enough doors someone is bound to open one. So do like me and take the first step and watch how God will lead you the rest of the way.

Arlin said...

Stay strong... keep moving forward. Your doing great... you are going to school... you not just giving up and not doing nothing all day. Things happen..Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results. Don't give up... and I'll include you in my prayers. Wish you the very best.

I'm sorry to also hear about your brother.... I know your down but he might also need a push... and your positive energy.

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”

Olivia said...

Hey Stephanie,

I am a first time visitor of your blog and I really dig your writing style. I appreciate how honest you are about your struggle and I can totally relate. I actualyl just got a second job so I can manage my bills and tuition on my own- its tough, but you have a resilient spirit so I'm sure you'll pull through.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Liv @ bklynlifestyle.blogspot.com