Saturday's with Stef

12:00 AM

Last night it occurred to me...I may be a loser!

I have never been the type of person be out EVERY day of the weekend. In fact, I go to bars and clubs twice a year. Sad huh? But it had me thinking about being isolated.

I met ALL the men in my life through an acquaintance or school. Now that I am single, I realize, I just may have to GO OUT THERE and find a man. least for me. So weekends you can find me in bed with Chloe, watching Dateline or 20/20....even if I am feeling adventurous, I'll go to redbox and rent a movie (daring huh?). How in the world am I suppose to meet men? 

Which leads me too....

So I have been eying this one guy for some time now. He works in radio and has LOTS of females (I call them groupies) all over him. Beautiful ones too...thin, beautiful women, whom I am pretty sure he can have in a drop of a dime.I like him. I do. He's funny, kind, caring and actually smart. Problem is, I feel like every time I feel like he takes interest in me, he backs away. Which is confusing and not to mention, hurts my ego. I start questioning, "Am I too ugly for him?", "Is he too cute for me?", "Is he out of my league?" And then the BIG ONE: "Am I too fat for him?"

Yes it all comes down to weight.


I am not even sure I want a relationship...I just wanna have fun. Is that so wrong? And I wanna have fun with him! But here I am once again, blogging about something I am insecure about. No matter how many friends tell me he isn't that cute, I still question, "Could it be my weight?"

In 2009 I had my eyes set on this Deputy I work with. With charm and my persuasion, I actually got him. Which totally boosted my ego. However, this guy is different. I don't want to use my regular charm on him. I actually wanna be able to have some tacos and watch TV with him. It's as simple as that. It's like I become a little school girl whenever I see him post on Facebook. Any crazy, sexy, cool I have in me, TOTALLY GOES OUT THE DOOR!

He does events at clubs and pubs and such, but truthfully I am not another groupie. HELL! I don't even listen to him when he is on the radio. But I guess it all comes down to my insecurity.

My friend Rachel over at WHERE THE WEST MEETS SOUTH wrote a wonderful piece on weight. I have known Rachel FOR YEARS! In fact, I was drawn to her in High school because A) She shared my love for the written word and B) Unlike most wannabee's in our High School, she actually loved English like me! Not to mention she had me laughing until my side hurts. Anyways, back to what I was saying, she wrote this wonderful piece on weight and how we need to love ourselves. It was a REALLY great piece and I recommend checking it out.

So I read the piece over and over, Rachel is right. I do love myself...however, I need to be SUPER confident and not worry about my weight so much.

I just really like this dude and it's really confusing. I don't wanna seem like I am a bugger either. So I kinda just wait for him to notice me. Which he does. When my grandfather was dying, out of all his 5,000 friends, he actually messaged me and told me to keep my head up. Sometimes he replies back to my comments. Other times we email or text one another.

I need to grow some confidence ASAP....

So with that said, I just wanna date again. I wanna be swooned. 


Any tips?


Marta said...

Ask him out on a casual date. The worse thing that could happen is that he would say no and if that's the case at least you will know that he's not into you and then you can move on and set your sight into another guy who deserves you more. Don't let thoughts about weight or anything give you insecurities, you're fabulous!

Big Mark 243 said...

I agree with Marta. It would help if there was an upcoming event or fair, but even if it is just a coffeehouse date, that would work.

Be honest and up front. Tell him you would like to get to know him better and see what happens. Don't place any added significance on his answer, try to just go with it.

From what I remember of you, you have a big heart and you are a extremely giving and forgiving person. You have a LOT of wonderful qualities IN ADDITION to being a beautiful woman.

And your 'beauty' is an objective one, plain for all to see. Don't qualify it by saying ' I am nice-looking for a...', tell yourself that you are nice-looking, period. And don't let his answer be a referendum on whether or not you are attractive to the world. His answer is unique to him and that is that.

For me, getting over my insecurities was a matter of knowing that there are literally millions of people that are available and the odds are in my favor that one of them will like me. And I have fewer outstanding qualities than you do! So I think you will do fine, Stef.

Just give yourself a chance. Don't let your insecurities get to you and take your shot! Good luck!!

Thinking Girl said...

Loving yourself definitely doesn't mean you have confidence! I wish it did though haha! It's not bad to put yourself out there as long as you are not putting out, out there :P When you love yourself, people notice and are drawn to you becaue you are comfortable with yourself and it makes them comfortable about themselves. Does that make sense?

I think girls think that if they show off, it exudes confidence, but that's a cover up for insecurities. So when you see girls showing their chi-chi's and other goods, you know that girl has some confidence issues :/

Unknown said...

Stef, what the heck are you waiting for...I agree with Marta, if a simple date is what you want, just ask, the worse thing that could happen is that he says no. Be confident, up front, put yourself out there. Look, ppl don't always get tomorrow. You seriously need to stop overthinking it and just do it. If you like him, go get him. lol.

Wait Until The Sunset said...

Oh Stef! You are so beautiful inside and out! Don't you ever feel that your not good enough! Your smart, funny and sexy; and if he can't be into you for that, then he's not worth it! Be yourself and he's it the bag

:) xx

Savannah said...

.... I sit at home on Friday nights too and watch Dateline with my mom! All of my friends laugh, but I just want to be away from all of the people I deal with all week. If I hang out with people from school outside of school I must really like them!

I think you should just send a friendly text asking about coffee together to get to know each other. I definitely don't think that this has anything to do with your weight, everyone is shy and is afraid of getting hurt. You're beautiful inside and out. Good luck girl! And I'm going to go send you the email from the woman at FTF.


HellaCuteScorpio said...

Love you Stef! I swear reading every word just reminds me of myself. :)

Traci Marie Wolf said...

I know the last thing you want to hear is stuff you already know like......

You are beautiful, a man who can't immediately see that is dumb.

A man who doesn't see how much of the WHOLE package you are is not ready for the whole package. I hate to say it but maybe he's not ready.

If he does pull back because you are not skinny, you DO NOT want him. He will end up hurting you. I know the right man is out there for you and I don't think you have to go to clubs to find the right man, but if you want Mr. Right it's going to take more time than you want it to take.

WitchHazel said...

Unfortunately "Am I too fat?" is a question that keeps me in an unhealthy relationship. Life is about taking chances; you'll never know what could materialize between you and this guy so you may as well take the chance and say "fuck it!" because otherwise, you'll never find out.. and that might even be worse than rejections - having to live with "what if".

MaggleBish said...

This guy sounds like trouble. If you're feeling insecure around him or because of him, I have a feeling things will not be good w/this guy. If there's already games being played, this guy is not relationship material. Look for someone that brings out the best in you, makes you feel good about yourself. Someone who doesn't play games (pull away).

I recently read a great book about dating called "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Lori Gottlieb. I definitely suggest it to a lot of women (& men). A lot of times, we are looking for the wrong qualities in a man, like looks, or "game" / charm. These things aren't that important in the long term.

Unknown said...

You are so gorgeous, and I'm sure plenty of people tell you about all the other positive things you have to offer. I just found your blog (via a comment on Marina's blog) and I am so glad I did. I just did a similar post on my blog and reading that other people are going the thru something similar really helps. Whether you know it or not, I'm sure those "skinny groupies" have their own insecurities and the most attractive thing on anybody is confidence! GO FOR IT! (if you haven't