Saturday's with Stef: Domestic Violence Awareness Month - MY STORY

12:02 AM

The picture above IS NOT REAL...Had to throw that out there.

But I do have a story....

The end of my last relationship was volatile. Be prepared for details and I am only giving details because I want people to know Domestic Violence is NOT okay no matter what circumstance, what gender, or what time or place...

It was a Friday morning. He woke up mad. Honestly, I cant even remember why he was that mad. The night before he had verbally abused me and mentally beaten me. Called me a bitch and told me things like, "I deserve better!", "You're evil" and being I was soooooooo in love, I believed it. This fight had come after me finding a text about drugs. He got caught.

Prior to this the mental and verbal abuse was no different...It had been going on for months

Anyways he woke up just MAD. I knew something was gonna happen. He started shoving me very softly. Whispering mean things. Giving me dirty looks and most of all, threatening to leave me. So after months of this abuse, I never would have thought it get physical...I thought, "Its just words." But this day, I broke. I yelled. I cursed and I told him to leave the house and I didn't want his no-good sorry bum in the house anymore so he better pack up. We were yelling and to be honest, I cant even remember what led to us face to face, and his hand up and me saying "HIT ME! DO IT!" over and over and over. In my head, I was thinking, "If hes man enough to raise his hand at me, he should be man enough and hit me and see what happens." But instead of using his hand, his big body bumped me and I went flying onto the bed. Without any reaction I got up and pushed his head and scratched his neck in self-defense and started to run towards the door. He then grabbed BOTH of my wrists with one of his hands and with the other pulled his basketball shorts down.

In my head I thought, "Hes gonna rape me...." but instead he stuck his finger and hand between his butt cheeks and I know one finger up his anus and still holding me down, put that finger in my mouth.

Yes I said it...He stuck his finger that I am 99% sure had feces on it, in my mouth.

I screamed and pushed him off me.

I yelled and scratched him.

He took his things and left....

No guy has EVER done that to me, let alone do something physical to me.

For weeks upon weeks, I asked myself and my friends, "Was it my fault?"...answer was always "No!" In fact I was gonna go back to him. I had literally thought he would be the only man who loves me for me and he was the only man who will take me as I am. 
Then at some point I thought....If I don't kill myself already because of this violence, he'll accidentally kill me.


I am sharing this with you guys to know that Domestic Violence is NOT okay, no matter what gender, what age, or race, or whatever the situation may be. 


  • Have you ever been physically hurt, such as being kicked, pushed, choked or punched, by your partner or ex-partner? 
  • Has your partner ever used the threat of hurting you or members of your family to get you to do something? 
  • Has your partner ever injured or abused your pets? 
  • Has your partner ever destroyed your property or things that you care about? 
  • Has your partner tried to keep you from seeing your family, going to school or doing other things that are important to you? 
  • Do you feel like you are being controlled or isolated by your partner? For instance, does your partner control your money, transportation, activities or social contacts? 

  • Have you ever been forced by your partner to have sex when you did not want to or to have unsafe sex? 
  • Is your partner jealous and always questioning whether you are faithful? 
  • Does your partner regularly blame you for things that you cannot control, or for his/her violent outbursts? 
  • Does your partner regularly insult you? 
  • Are you ever afraid of your partner or of going home? Does he/she make you feel unsafe?
There are other signs of domestic violence that observers might see in a relative or friend who is in an abusive relationship. They include:
  • being prone to "accidents" or being repeatedly injured 
  • having injuries that could not be caused unintentionally or that do not match the story of what happened to cause them 
  • having injuries on many different parts of the body, such as the face, throat, neck, chest, abdomen or genitals 
  • having bruises, burns or wounds that are shaped like teeth, hands, belts, cigarette tips or that look like the injured person has a glove or sock on (from having a hand or foot placed in boiling water)
  • having wounds in various states of healing 
  • often seeking medical help or, conversely, waiting to seek or not seeking medical help even for serious injuries 
  • showing signs of depression 
  • using alcohol or other drugs 
  • attempting suicide 

    GET HELP! 

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    800-799-SAFE (7233)


Marta said...

That's serious stuff. So sad that incident happened to you w/ your ex.

Theresa said...

made me tear up reading this again!!!! he is filth and you my love are way better off. you have grown so much without him and for him TO STILL SEE YOU NOW BURNS HIS ASS. you did it you exposed him now whats he gonna do? wallow in his puddle of drugs and numb the pain. fucker! how dare he break you like this. I am proud of who you became and seeing people when they are shitbags, you will always have a special place in my heart! love you

CynthiaAvaDevta said...

I am sorry you had that happen to you, Friend. I know what it is like to be violated and disrespected as a human being. It is awful. Thankfully, we can recover and learn that there is a better way to live. "Learning to LOVE yourself is the greatest love of all..." (Sing it Whitney!)

StephieJ said...

He is a massive piece of shit.

reading this:I AM GLAD I DID NOT GO BACK! made my day.

I remember for months and months pushing you to NOT go back and I'm so happy you listened to me and all your other friends who told you the same thing. If only we could see into the future...

You've come so far and I'm soooo proud of you!! You're such a strong woman <3

Nekiah Torres said...

I went from ANGER to SAD to spitting up in my mouth! I am so sorry Stef. So glad that you did not go back to that situation. It is obvious he has some deep issues and needs help. Kiah

Nekiah Torres said...

btw - Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know that was not easy. Kiah

Wait Until The Sunset said...

Oh Stef! What a douche bag, I'm so happy you didn't go back. Kepp your head babe cos you are worth soooooooo much more!!! xx

Gaby said...

que mal que las pinta uñas se pelen...bueno ya tienes tu review..

Natasha - Style Du Jour said...

This was a very touching story, i am so sad this happened to u and happy u were strong not go back, he is a miserable human being i wish u all the best...xox

WitchHazel said...

Stef, I am so sorry to hear your story.. no one deserves to be treated that way. I'm so glad you decided to get out of that bad relationship and move on! You deserve so much more. X.

Traci Marie Wolf said...

Wow! I'm so sad that happened to you. He is such an effin' weirdo and I'm glad you got away from him.

Monique said...

OMg that is awful. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story and leave him.

Melissa said...

:( I don't even have words but I am glad that you did not return to that situation and that you are healing...Ugh, thank you for sharing your story.

Style Chic 360 said...

I'm sorry you had to experience this, but I'm glad you shared your story in hopes of helping the next person...

I'm glad you got OUT!