SATURDAY'S WITH STEF: My Domestic Violence Story & SURVIVAL

 

I can sit here and tell you my story AGAIN...you can read it HERE.

I am a SURVIVOR. I am a woman who said, "NO MORE." Even though my abuse goes back to when I was little, it doesnt make me damaged.

It makes me STRONGER!

They cant hurt me anymore. They cant do anything that hasn't been done to me already.

I protect MYSELF! I make sure NO ONE ever crosses my boundary again and I dont put up with just anyone's crap!

I am strong! I am a survivor and people should be scared of us survivors...why? BECAUSE WE KNOW HOW TO SURVIVE!!!

SIGNS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

• Have you ever been physically hurt, such as being kicked, pushed, choked or punched, by your partner or ex-partner? 
  
• Has your partner ever used the threat of hurting you or members of your family to get you to do something? 
  
• Has your partner ever injured or abused your pets? 
  
• Has your partner ever destroyed your property or things that you care about? 
  
• Has your partner tried to keep you from seeing your family, going to school or doing other things that are important to you? 
  
• Do you feel like you are being controlled or isolated by your partner? For instance, does your partner control your money, transportation, activities or social contacts? 
  
  
• Have you ever been forced by your partner to have sex when you did not want to or to have unsafe sex? 
  
• Is your partner jealous and always questioning whether you are faithful? 
  
• Does your partner regularly blame you for things that you cannot control, or for his/her violent outbursts? 
  
• Does your partner regularly insult you? 
  
• Are you ever afraid of your partner or of going home? Does he/she make you feel unsafe?
  

There are other signs of domestic violence that observers might see in a relative or friend who is in an abusive relationship. They include:

• being prone to "accidents" or being repeatedly injured 
  
• having injuries that could not be caused unintentionally or that do not match the story of what happened to cause them 
  
• having injuries on many different parts of the body, such as the face, throat, neck, chest, abdomen or genitals 
  
• having bruises, burns or wounds that are shaped like teeth, hands, belts, cigarette tips or that look like the injured person has a glove or sock on (from having a hand or foot placed in boiling water)
  
• having wounds in various states of healing 
  
• often seeking medical help or, conversely, waiting to seek or not seeking medical help even for serious injuries 
  
• showing signs of depression 
  
• using alcohol or other drugs 
  
• attempting suicide 
  
  
  GET HELP! 
  
  
  National Domestic Violence Hotline
  800-799-SAFE (7233)
  

VLOG: Domestic Violence Awareness & My Experience

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS: Help Spread the Word & Purple Purse with Allstate !

Disclosure: This is a compensated campaign by the Allstate Foundation in collaboration with Latina Blogger Connect. All thoughts are my own.   

  When I was approached for this campaign, I just knew I had to be a part of it. I am a Domestic Violence Survivor. Some you know my story and some of you don't. My story is like many other women. I was in a really bad relationship and often felt there was no way out.    Domestic violence happens more than 145 times each hour in the U.S. On average, three women die every day as a result. Domestic violence affects one in four women in their lifetime – that’s more women than breast cancer, ovarian cancer and lung cancer combined. But it’s still hard to talk about and only about half of Americans say they would know how to help a victim of domestic violence.    Domestic violence is an issue that impacts millions, but few talk about it. Purple Purse helps people carry on conversations and pass information about domestic violence and financial abuse by placing the power directly into people’s hands with a purple purse. Domestic violence affects one in four women in their lifetime – that’s more women than breast cancer, ovarian cancer and lung cancer combined. A majority of Americans agree that domestic violence is tough to talk about. More than one-third of Americans have never discussed the issue with family or friends and Purple Purse provides a conversation starter. Lacking financial knowledge and resources is the number one indicator of whether a domestic violence victim will stay, leave or return to an abusive relationship. For every purple purse passed through the end of October, The Allstate Foundation will donate $5 to YWCA. We’ll give up to $350,000 for programs aimed to help domestic violence survivors and stop the cycle of abuse.    Taking action against domestic violence is simple - Purple Purse: Pass It On. 1,300 purple purses filled with domestic violence information and facts will be distributed throughout the U.S. Each purse has a goal of being passed between family, friends, community leaders, celebrities, media, and Allstate employees and agents sparking important conversations and raising awareness. Visit PurplePurse.com to follow the purple purses on their journey around the country, track the YWCA’s progress toward their goal to earn $350,000 from The Allstate Foundation and get tips to help you start talking about domestic violence.     Don’t worry! If you don’t get your hands on one of the purple purses that are being passed around the country, you can still help by logging onto Facebook.com/PurplePurse and sharing a virtual purple purse.  

     Please take part in this awesome Domestic Violence Visit Facebook or PurplePurse.com for more information. I also urge, as a survivor, if you or anyone you know is going through domestic violence, please seek help at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.    

Saturday's with Stef: Domestic Violence Awareness Month - MY STORY

 

The picture above IS NOT REAL...Had to throw that out there.

But I do have a story....

The end of my last relationship was volatile. Be prepared for details and I am only giving details because I want people to know Domestic Violence is NOT okay no matter what circumstance, what gender, or what time or place...

It was a Friday morning. He woke up mad. Honestly, I cant even remember why he was that mad. The night before he had verbally abused me and mentally beaten me. Called me a bitch and told me things like, "I deserve better!", "You're evil" and being I was soooooooo in love, I believed it. This fight had come after me finding a text about drugs. He got caught.

Prior to this the mental and verbal abuse was no different...It had been going on for months

Anyways he woke up just MAD. I knew something was gonna happen. He started shoving me very softly. Whispering mean things. Giving me dirty looks and most of all, threatening to leave me. So after months of this abuse, I never would have thought it get physical...I thought, "Its just words." But this day, I broke. I yelled. I cursed and I told him to leave the house and I didn't want his no-good sorry bum in the house anymore so he better pack up. We were yelling and to be honest, I cant even remember what led to us face to face, and his hand up and me saying "HIT ME! DO IT!" over and over and over. In my head, I was thinking, "If hes man enough to raise his hand at me, he should be man enough and hit me and see what happens." But instead of using his hand, his big body bumped me and I went flying onto the bed. Without any reaction I got up and pushed his head and scratched his neck in self-defense and started to run towards the door. He then grabbed BOTH of my wrists with one of his hands and with the other pulled his basketball shorts down.

In my head I thought, "Hes gonna rape me...." but instead he stuck his finger and hand between his butt cheeks and I know one finger up his anus and still holding me down, put that finger in my mouth.

Yes I said it...He stuck his finger that I am 99% sure had feces on it, in my mouth.

I screamed and pushed him off me.

I yelled and scratched him.

He took his things and left....

No guy has EVER done that to me, let alone do something physical to me.

For weeks upon weeks, I asked myself and my friends, "Was it my fault?"...answer was always "No!" In fact I was gonna go back to him. I had literally thought he would be the only man who loves me for me and he was the only man who will take me as I am. 

Then at some point I thought....If I don't kill myself already because of this violence, he'll accidentally kill me.

I AM GLAD I DID NOT GO BACK!

THAT IS MY STORY....

I am sharing this with you guys to know that Domestic Violence is NOT okay, no matter what gender, what age, or race, or whatever the situation may be. 

SIGNS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

• Have you ever been physically hurt, such as being kicked, pushed, choked or punched, by your partner or ex-partner? 
  
• Has your partner ever used the threat of hurting you or members of your family to get you to do something? 
  
• Has your partner ever injured or abused your pets? 
  
• Has your partner ever destroyed your property or things that you care about? 
  
• Has your partner tried to keep you from seeing your family, going to school or doing other things that are important to you? 
  
• Do you feel like you are being controlled or isolated by your partner? For instance, does your partner control your money, transportation, activities or social contacts? 
  
  
• Have you ever been forced by your partner to have sex when you did not want to or to have unsafe sex? 
  
• Is your partner jealous and always questioning whether you are faithful? 
  
• Does your partner regularly blame you for things that you cannot control, or for his/her violent outbursts? 
  
• Does your partner regularly insult you? 
  
• Are you ever afraid of your partner or of going home? Does he/she make you feel unsafe?
  

There are other signs of domestic violence that observers might see in a relative or friend who is in an abusive relationship. They include:

• being prone to "accidents" or being repeatedly injured 
  
• having injuries that could not be caused unintentionally or that do not match the story of what happened to cause them 
  
• having injuries on many different parts of the body, such as the face, throat, neck, chest, abdomen or genitals 
  
• having bruises, burns or wounds that are shaped like teeth, hands, belts, cigarette tips or that look like the injured person has a glove or sock on (from having a hand or foot placed in boiling water)
  
• having wounds in various states of healing 
  
• often seeking medical help or, conversely, waiting to seek or not seeking medical help even for serious injuries 
  
• showing signs of depression 
  
• using alcohol or other drugs 
  
• attempting suicide 
  
  
  GET HELP! 
  
  
  National Domestic Violence Hotline
  800-799-SAFE (7233)