Saturday's with Stef: It's BEHIND me....

12:04 AM

I have lost a lot of weight...and yes I feel sexy, smart and beautiful.

But there will always be THAT Stefanie.

The Stefanie who is still 2oo-some ought pounds.

The Stefanie guys rejected because of her weight.

The Stefanie who was just an option.

The Stefanie who felt so bad about herself she dated men who treated her badly,

I sit here crying...I'm not sure why, Maybe I do know why. Maybe its because for once I am scared...Scared that I will NEVER be good enough for a man.

Some look at me and say, "Im confused how you are single?" Its mind boggling. I think Im hot. Sometimes I look at my body and think, "Dayummmmmm" Why wouldnt a guy want this? Id want it!

Rejection...such an ugly feeling. Especially when I havent been rejected YET lol.

I think not knowing we are on the same page is whats scaring me. 

Every time I thought me and a guy was on the same page, turns out he was reading a whole other book.

And I think, a man would be so stupid to not be on it.

Id date me.

But I am so scared of rejection because for 11 years, a man who I shard my life with, told me what to do, gave the rules and rejected me all the time when he found something or someone better. Now that I am single...that rejection, that fear of it, hasn't went away.

I get when dating its suppose to be fun, but knowing someone is on the same page is always nice...ya feel me.

I just wanna be on the same page with someone who thinks, "If this woman is into me, I am one lucky man..."

I just want to be on the same page....


Anonymous said...

Stef: You are beautiful and you are strong. Write down whatever fears of the past you are ready to let go and burn them. Let it burn to ashes and recycle only the good into the universe. Now put your order out there of what you know you deserve. Be fearless! Afterall, you are a mujer.

Aida said...

amazing pics - totally captivated by your blog and will follow it. would love if you visited mine and followed if you liked it!

wish you lots of success

have a nice weekend!


Anonymous said...

you think too much, the only thing you should think about or KNOW is that you are worthy of great love, unconditional love. and to be put above all others. STOP being negative , the moment you think something negative about yourself you need to complement yourself. if you think your not looking so hot, turn around and say out loud "i am beautiful and smart!!" always replace negative thoughts with positive ones. if it helps leave sticky notes on your mirror and your fridge saying positive things. read motivational books. but for the love of god please don't be negative about yourself, its a huge waste of time. ;-)

Nitika Bhatia said...

Hey honey being curvy or Plus size is not being ashamed or sad about !! YOu should feel proud about yourself.. And if someone can't accept u the way you are, I dont think he/she is worthy of ur love !!!

Believe in yourself & love urself.. That's what matters the most !! :)

Marta said...

You are beautiful, leave all those insecurities behind and keep moving on. Great things will happen to you, you'll see.

Nekiah Torres said...

1st of all let me say your BOOTAY is looking mighty FINE in those jeans BOO!! lol Now on to your love woes....STEF YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND GOD HAS MADE SOMEONE SPECIAL AND UNIQUE JUST FOR YOU! Seek ye 1st the kingdom of heaven and pray for a mate. God will send him to you. Be faithful Sweetie! Kiah

GStyle said...

I think this is so beautiful! I KNOW a lot of woman have felt that way, I have felt this way! I love your blog! Now following a curvy girl like me!

-Gabrielle a.k.a Gstyle Follow if you like!

JazzyJoyce said...

I think that you look fabulous!!! Although I am proud of being curvy and beautiful I still would like to lose a little weight! Do you have any tips for weight loss? I am where you were at 200 pounds and thinking my curvy could look a little better :c) please advise!!!