Saturday's with Stef: I am human too....

12:12 AM


I'm forgetting to breathe. Not literally, but my mind has been going a mile a minute.

I feel picked on this week. Any flaw I have has been pointed out and made fun of. I have flaws and insecurities and I think people forget I am human if that makes any sense.

I have grown into a woman I am proud of. A woman who I would LOVE to be best friends. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I have a shitty job. I am 26, single and kid-less. My past, yeah its been a rocky one. But I have came out totally happy with who I am The confident girl is a woman who has blossomed and knows her worth. People see that confidence and that thick skin I have had to build up and think I am a bot or something. Far from it. 

Sometimes at night I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I go to bed happy as a clam. Some days I think I am the most gorgeous woman and some days I don't feel that way. My thighs have cellulite. The jiggle. My butt is BIG and jiggles. I have breasts that some pay for. My weight fluctuates. I love to eat and some days feel so guilty when I over indulge. Some days I just want a hug and be told I am loved and cared for NO MATTER WHAT. Some wrap their arms around me and just let me close my eyes and just be for a few minutes. No words, just a hug and silence.

I get hurt easily. I think most know although I act hard, I am sensitive. 

My feelings get hurt. Easily and some days not so easily.

I wanted to be loved for who I am without being judged. Does that make any sense?

Someone to say, "I love you just the way you are" without throwing my flaws in my face.



6 comments:

LaaLaa Monroe said...

Anyone who truly loves you, will always love you for who you are and will love your flaws equally as much because you'll be perfect for them.

Your such a strong woman Stef sometimes more than you give yourself credit for. You've been through so much and your still moving, learning and growing.

Only a strong and willing person could do that.

Ily baby boo ♥

Moya2bean said...

Everyone feels this way from time to time. I have moments where I wake up in the middle of the night and just think. I feel beautiful somedays and not so beautiful the next. My husband could tell me he loves my body everyday, yet...I feel the same way regardless. Maybe its just the fact we are women. We fight the same battles.
Your not alone. Never alone.
I have always will have the want...to be a smaller size. Mainly because my mom is a personal trainer. She has worked out and worked as an aerobics instructor all her life. Yet, I wear a size 20. It never flew in my parents house. I was never good enough physically. I still don't. We all have our demons. Your just brave enough to express yours...
p.s
your beautiful

Marta said...

We all have good and bad days and as longs as you don't let the bad days take over, you'll be fine. Don't let anything or anybody make you feel down, although sometimes when people say something negative it's hard to forget for a few days. Send that person to hell and don't let it ruin your days. Don't feel pressured, enjoy your days, your youth and keep working toward your dreams and goals, focus on writing that book, it could be a bestseller... Things will come when they are meant to come to you. It's boring to get everything good at once.

Hopey said...

Being vulnerable enough to open up about your own insecurities and about who you really are is a brave thing. You are beautiful and strong. Those who truly love you love you for the good and the bad. Take you just how you are, right where you are, right now. That is love. *HUG* You are beautiful.

Queen Elisheba said...

The light within is brighter than any darkness. You are a shiny bright being. You have accomplished so much in such a short time. You are awesome and you inspire me. Thank you.

Lindsey said...

I absolutely love you just the way you are. I consider you one of the best friends I've ever had and we've never even met! You're an amazing person and I'm so grateful for you. I'm 33 and kidless so who cares - let go of those judgements and expectations for where you "should" be in your life right now. You're exactly where you're supposed to be.