Saturday's with Stef: The Loneliness of the Holiday's

12:00 AM

“I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”— Shana Abé

Driving past the Christmas lights on the houses at night makes me think a lot about how funny life has turned out, relationship wise. I'm not gonna sit here and say I'm not lonely. I am. I miss the companionship.

Ive been single for 2 years. Two years! I dont mind being single. I have all the time in the world to work on me and CLEARLY I have been doing that. 

I started to think what I REALLY want. In my head I dreamed up of MY perfect life. A boyfriend who accepts me COMPLETELY. A boyfriend who would meet death before he lets me meet harm, lies, or cheats on me. A boyfriend who wants to make me his wife and wants to wake up next to me every morning, stinky breath and all.

A man who will do all that family-man stuff. Going to get a tree, making room for it in our living room. Putting up the lights outside. Put on Christmas music and watch me and the kids put up ornaments on the tree and smile and think, "Man I am so lucky!" A man who will twirl me in his arms and kiss me under the mistletoe. A man who believes in the importance of family Christmas dinner and know that its a time for BOTH our families to come over and feast. A man who takes me and the kids to see Christmas lights, play in the snow and go ice skating. A man who will keep me warm during the cold nights and appreciate the hot meal he comes home to each night. 

A man who is my best friend. A man who makes every other man look like pieces of crap.

I get emotional just thinking about it.

I don't know who I will end up with.

I don't know who will grow old with me or if Ill be single for the rest of my life.

I just know the holidays bring out the loneliness in me.


Savannah said...

Aw, Stef. You will find someone, I know you will. You have a kind heart and that will make a man fall for you.


Big Mark 243 said...

You have come a long way since I first began to follow you on your blog... and I wish I could tell you that it will be alright... but what I am confident in saying is, that without the work you have done on yourself, meeting "that man" would not have been possible.

The dream begins with you... you are that woman who has that man who fixes the decorations and is thinking how lucky he is... so that is what makes your hopes possible for you... you ARE that woman that "that man" comes home to..!

Style4Curves said...

such a touching post

safire said...

You deserve happiness. xoxo

Traci Marie Wolf said...

One thing I've learned and maybe you can relate. All the wrong men will make you feel lonely while you're with them. You will find the man of your dreams and he is going to be the best friend you've ever had.