SATURDAY'S WITH STEF: There Will Be Christmas Lights Again....I hope.

12:00 AM

As 2012 closes I am sitting here thinking, how much worse can things get?

Certain family issues has forced us to sell our home. Looking for a 4 bedroom that takes dogs has been emotionally, mentally, and physically draining.

A certain friend who will remain nameless was bragging about how they are at a university and how mom and dad pay for their transportation and may even get them a laptop. The way this person said it was so condescending, so unlike them. "Well my mom and dad pay for it so it doesn't come out of my pocket."

I cant afford to go to school right now. It will be a matter of weeks maybe two months that if we don't find a home we will be stuck out in the cold. There is no Christmas Tree in house, no laughter, no lights strung across our roof. Its silence, it's worry, it's scary almost. Okay maybe not scary but last year the tree was lit, Christmas was so joyful. We went from THAT to this. I wanna cry. I wanna get mad at God and asked what we did wrong. Will we be okay? Whats gonna happen? 

I smile. Why? Because if I don't I will be asked, "Whats wrong?" and then I'll start to cry.

Cant I click my heels three times and magically be in a cozy home with a Christmas tree and presents under the tree?

Theres a huge lump in my throat. No one I know will understand what this feels like.

While mommy and daddy are paying for their way, I am trying to pay my dues to get better days for us. 

It gets better right?

We'll find a home right?

There will be a Christmas tree lit in a living room again right?


Big Mark 243 said...

I really don't feel like trying to say anything... not that my heart doesn't ache for you but because I don't have the words for you... I wish that I could be there for you and your family... I do have some experience with a similar situation...

I can wish and hope for the best for you and that you will get into a place and start your new year off with a step in the right direction...

864 said...

I started to follow your blog earlier this year and from reading your posts it seems that you have made many strides in the right direction. Holidays are always hard and they are even harder when things aren't going well. The only thing I can say is take it day by day. Try to find reasons to smile because a negative atmosphere brings you down. Trust me I know from my own experience. I negative atmosphere keeps you down and anyone else in your family. Try to find a reason to smile.

Anonymous said...

As a single mom I know the struggle, the worry the pay check to pay check feeling.

Anonymous said...

and I know that things will get better. I have faith that they will, they can only go up from here. With the new year comes a new beggining and I wish the best for you and your your blog BTW :)

MaggleBish said...

I hope things work themselves out. I hear ya though - I grew up in an affluent town and most of my classmates had it easy after HS - parent's paid for college, cars, etc., etc., while I had to get a job. It can only make you a stronger person. You learn how to take care of yourself, which is a very valuable skill.

Jessica said...

awee babe im so sorry to hear this!!! im praying for you! thngs will work out in time and if they may take longer at least you have family where some people have no one. your strong and can pull through do not put your head down and never give up hunny xoxo