As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I feel like a loser. I think, "Maybe I shouldn't have quit that steady paycheck" and I start to panic. I haven't slept in two weeks and I am hurting inside. But I cant say I am hurting because others are hurting too.
Then I think, "Stef you did the right thing!" I was coming home being sexually harassed, humiliated and degraded. I quit because I am not any ones punching bag nor any companies punching bag. I did the right thing.
I feel so alone nowadays. I feel like I have let myself down. I see most 27 year olds with full time jobs, boyfriends, nice cars and I cant even get an interview. I know God has some kind of path set out for me. Some kind of GREAT path.
I have this incredible need to help women. I have this incredible need to save them from walking down the path I did.
Here I am trying to get a full-time job. A Monday-Friday 9-5 so my mom wont look at me and be worried. I don't want her to be worried about me anymore.
I feel like crying. Like I cant breathe. My heart is so heavy but I cant cry. People depend on me to NOT cry. So I suck it in. Suck it up and not cry....I want to cry.
But I smile instead.