Saturday's with Stef: Perfection doesn't exist...

 

My life. My choices.

I admit, when it comes to my love life I have made some decisions that have TURNED out shitty.

-Shrugs-

All lessons are learned.

I'm not perfect and I believe in second chances.

Call me naive, call me gullible, call me a doormat....but I truly believe, that when your heart and mind AGREE on the chance, you're good to go!

I believe in laying all your cards out on the table and saying, "This is what I have? Either you are with it or not?"

All it takes is a GOOD, LONG conversation to sort out things.

You learn a lot about someone when you look into their eyes and talk things out.

At least your heart does.

I have ALWAYS been a firm believer that the BEST relationships are those who stem from friendships. Sure there are gonna be some flaws. People who say their relationship is
PERFECT" or "CLOSE TO IT" are liars. NOTHING OR NO ONE is close to or perfect. 

This past week after sorting things out, meaning my feelings, I have come to learn something about myself. As a writer, you'd think I would know this by now....but like everyone, I was blind to it. My words have hurt someone and I NEVER meant for them too. I also learned that you need to SPEAK UP.

I'm not sure who I am going to end up with. But I am looking forward to finding him, or shall I say him finding me. Hey! Maybe he's right in front of me. Someone out there will sit and watch the basketball game with me, he will have a beer with me at the end of a long day. He will think I am the most beautiful woman whether I am stuffing my face with pizza and mojos, whether I am in sweats, or have no make-up on. He'll laugh hysterically at me when I have a blond moment, but also know I am a smart cookie. He'll remember the LITTLE things about me. Like how I love the beach and especially at night. How every summer I LOVE going to the tide pools. 

He'll remember that I have ONE cheat day a week and when I do, he'll take me Shakeys and buy me a brownie....he'll lay with me and just let me be in silence on days I wanna cry. He'll know shoes and purses make me really happy but what I want the most is his loyalty, honesty, commitment, kisses and hugs.

He'll look at men with a smirk when he sees they are gawking at me yet know Im his. He'll be proud of me....REGARDLESS. And love me unconditionally because he will know he too has faults.

No one is perfect.

I'm not.

I cant wait to find my version of prince -charming. Someone who is as mighty as a lion yet gentle as a blue bird. A man who can be a man.

-Sighs-

No one is perfect....

I rambled on huh?

*Laughs*

I'm in a good spot right now. 

HOPEFUL!

Cheers to hope and faith! 

Saturday's with Stef: Good Men Exist....Right?

When I was bigger, I used to think thinner people had dating easier.

Boy was I wrong.

Now that I am thinner. I feel like it gets WORSE!

In fact parts of me are so scared that if a good man does come along, that I will have no clue to what to do. We all know I have been treated like crap. I cant even think of a time when a guy actually paid for our date and did little things to let me know he cares. For instance, genuinely ask how my day is going or say, "Thought of you...." and send me a picture of something him and I discussed.

I was telling my best friend that I have never felt like a princess but I have treated them like princes. As now, I am older, I am looking for my KING. Someone who wont feel ashamed to do all that cheesy crap with me. Late night drives to a spot that over looks the L.A skyline, put the radio on, and just talk. Or someone who will say, "Come over!" and we have dinner and movie night.

Someone who can actually HOLD OUT sex with me because he respects me THAT much. Don't get me wrong, sex is apart of a relationship, but I want the first time with whoever it is to be special. To be MORE than just sex. To where he looks at me in the morning and says, "What are we gonna do today?"  and have him walk away saying, feeling, and thinking, "I can do that for the rest of my life!"

I have never been someones Queen. Never been the woman whom a guy can say, "Even though she has her moments, I have mine and we have ours, I love that woman with every ounce in my soul....I'm in love with that woman."

Maybe I am completely naive for this.

Maybe I am hoping for that fairytale.

I know others have dreams. Other women want money, success, and all that great stuff...and maybe I am a little off with MY dream. I want a family. I think this describes it best, I found it online and it was written by a guy: 

I WOULD DATE YOU SO HARD AND THEN MARRY THE SHIT OUTTA YOU.

    THEN RAISE THE HELL OUT OF OUR KIDS!             

AND GIVE YOU ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU’D EVER NEED.             

AND PAY THE HELL OUT OF THAT MORTGAGE.             

AND THEN WHEN THE GUTTERS ARE CLOGGED I’LL GET UP THAT LADDER AND CLEAN THAT SHIT UP WHILE YOU STAND BY THE KITCHEN WINDOW COMICALLY JUDGING MY WORK.            

 AND THEN WE CAN VACUUM THE HELL OUT OF OUR CARPET SO HARD THAT WE’LL HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE.             

WE’LL WASH OUR CLOTHES SO GODDAMN HARD. FORGET NO RINSE, WE’LL USE HIGH EFFING SPEED.            

 BUY A MINIVAN TO STUFF OUR BEAUTIFUL BABIES INTO IT AND DRIVE THE HELL OUT OF IT.           

 THEN WE CAN GO SOME PARENT-TEACHER MEETINGS AND MEET THE HELL OUT OF OUR KID’S TEACHER. THEN JUDGE THE SHIT OUT OF HER IN THE CAR.  

           AND WE CAN THEN PILE ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE MINIVAN AND GO TO THE STORE AND SHOP FOR GROCERIES SO HARD THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO MAKE MORE THAN TWO TRIPS TO GET ALL THAT SHIT INSIDE THE HOUSE.            

 AND THEN COOK THE HELL OUT OF OUR KITCHEN UNTIL WE HAVE NO FOOD LEFT AND WE FEAST ON THAT SHIT FOR DAYS.             

I WILL EAT THE HELL OUT OF YOUR HOMEMADE COOKIES.           

  THEN WASH THE SHIT OUT ON THE DISHES TOGETHER UNTIL OUR ENTIRE HANDS GET PRUNEY.    

  WE’LL WATCH OUR KIDS  GRADUATE AND TEAR UP LIKE THE BADASS BOSSES WE ARE.            

 WE WILL GROW SO DAMN OLD TOGETHER, WE WILL LOOK LIKE RAISINS.            

 I WILL TELL YOU EVERY SINGLE SECOND HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.            

 HOLDING EACH OTHER’S HANDS SO HARD THAT WE SHIT OUR SELVES. 

            UNTIL WE DIE AND ROT AS CORPSES TOGETHER.             

TIL DEATH DO US PART.             

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Okay, Okay....SOMETHING like this...isn't it cute.

Maybe I'm just a dreamer.

Men like that don't exists, at least not in L.A

It would be nice to have ONE prove me wrong.

It just would be nice to have a man who knows how to be a man, and yet is sensitive and knows that I don't ask for much. Material things aren't my thing, but what I need is to know he loves me for me and unconditionally. -Sighs-

Men like that exist right?

Somewhere, some how my knight in shining armor (or at least my version) is out there wishing for me too?RIIIIIIIIIIGHHHT?

Anyways, That is all....-Sighs- It would be nice to go on my LAST first date....