Saturday's with Stef

12:10 AM

Unconditional love. Those words alone, strike cords with me. These words are deeply rooted into my heart. Truth is. there's only ONE man I have EVER truly loved and honestly, parts of me still love. I know, I know....how can I love an addict. It's easy, you just have to separate the drugs from the person. The man I fell in love with at 16, is AMAZING sober. Not sober...he's not so amazing. But days like today, I miss SOBER him. Truth is I compare every other man to the Sober him...he's whi I THOUGHT was my soul mate...I know, I know, how can someone who has abused me be my soul mate. It's a don't ask, don't tell situation. Parts of me are even scared to date again, because I am afraid no one will want me like he wanted me. No one will lay in bed and fall asleep with me like he did (When he was Sober, when he wasn't sober he was selling drugs, cheating and God knows what all while I was asleep)

Am I ready to love? NO.
 
Am I ready to date? YES.
 
But scared.
 
Scared of rejection.
 
Scared of not being good enough.
 
Scared of having a man make me fall madly in love with him only for him to walk away.
 

Truth is I want a man who actually knows MY WORTH. A man who will protect me, be in my corner, and be proud that I am his. Who will tell me the truth even when it hurts, take me out on dates or even just be comfortable sitting at home in PJ's watching basketball with me.
I am scared that I will NEVER find that man...My other half, the love of my life that wants to grow old with me.
 
 
 
Scared.

 
 

4 comments:

Jayla said...

honey you have to love yourself and know that you are worth loving!!!!! No man will do it before you. When you have achieved that your soulmate will come along and sweep you up off your feet and that ONE MAN will be but a distant memory. When you have a better-no the best man for you, you will know it. Take your time, you will get there. I know you will. And stop being scurry! Lol!

♥ CG ♥ said...

That's the bad part about love, Stef...we have to get up from the letdowns otherwise we'll always be alone. Shame on those who have not realized the gems we are, let that be their problem not yours :-)

High Heels & Good Meals! said...

Thank you so much for the sweet comment on my blog! Girl, I dont want to preach but I'll say this much...Love does not hurt. You gotta recognize your worth in order to find that man that will appreciate you and treat the way you need to be treated. I don't know if you're a believer or not but seek God first and ask Him to give you the desires of your heart and WAIT for the one who is meant just for you. :)

Monique said...

It does take time to heal, but you already know that. I agree with the other girls. You are worth so much more and when you realize your worth, then others will see it too! When the time is right, you will meet a man who is everything you've ever wanted...and more. Just be patient. I know that's hard to do, but good things do come to those who wait. xoxo