Saturday's with Stef: I'm a Loser Baby....

12:09 AM


I have $76 to last me 2 months....NO JOKE!

See I get paid on commission only...and since its a school district, I can only "Cash Out" once a semester...No checks rolled in this summer like I had anticipated and well, yeah. I am in a rut!

I cried all day Wednesday and Thursday. Friday the tears stopped flowing but the thought was still there. "How am I gonna survive on $76 for two months?" My financial aid probably wont be in for another 3 months...maybe 4. And at that, I still have to wait for the award letter. -Sighs-

Seriously don't know what I'm going to do...I know this is all apart of Gods plans. But Gods plans have me feeling like a loser. I have applied to jobs and even though I am MORE than qualified for them, no call backs.

This has me feeling like THEE BIGGEST LOSER IN THE WORLD!

Yeah I said it. I am also PMSing too and eating EVERYTHING in sight.

I even ate 3 donuts and two glasses of milk the other night. NO JOKE!

But back to being  a loser. I started to cry because, well most adult women my age have REAL jobs and get paid on a BI-WEEKLY. Who have medical insurance, Who can afford a car payment, who can afford rent.

Maybe I am a loser.

I feel like such a disappointment. 

26, no real job, no real life, no boyfriend...
The money part scares me TO DEATH!

I know my mom wont let me starve, but having her give me more money than she has to, is just depressing. I even feel more like a loser since my 18 year old brother is joining the Army in less than 1 month and my other little brother is already married with kids. 

Single.

Broke.

Jobless.

Did I mention broke....?

If that's not a loser, I don't know what is.

Have you ever been stuck in a rut financially ?


15 comments:

wait until the sunset said...

awwww babe :( it's never as bad as you think it is. I've had sucky money periods too, it will sort itself out I'm sure. No matter how broke you are never are loser either- you're fabulous!!

lots of cuddles!!!! xxx

Marta said...

Well, at least you're not homeless or anything bad like that. Things will get better and just because at a "certain age" you don't have something doesn't mean you're a loser, it just means that you'll get them later on. For jobs, you have to search really hard since the economy is bad, but if you search hard on a daily basis, you'll get something somewhere.

ExFatgurl said...

Being un-stable financially is my biggest fear and I thank God everyday that I am blessed with a good job and can afford all that you mention NOW...but before it wasn't like that I had to go through some rain before I saw the sun. Stick it through once your done with school you'll be able to find your dream job and make it rain on those *oes lol...YOU ARE NOT A LOSER...a loser would leech of their momma and not care that they only got 76 dollars...you my dear are being proactive....JUST KEEP IT UP....the sun is peaking I see it ;)

Ana Lydia said...

Stef: Be thankful for what you DO Have! I'll start by listing the qualities and gifts that the man (or woman) upstairs has blessed you with: Good health (so don't worry about health insurance), amazing parents (that will be there for you no matter what), a roof over your head (that will keep you cool when hot oust side and warm when raining), a job that allows you to meet other people (you could be home all day sitting on a couch!), a community that loves you (#llblog loves you - just sayin!), and YOUTH. Being young allows you to go through this, learn, grow, and be a better person when you get older. So hang in there, smile - even when sad inside, because you have SO MUCH more than many people that may have thousands of dollars in their bank account.

SoCal Sweetheart said...

you are not a loser, ur just going through some hardships that everyone goes through, its a tough world right now to not have any more or a job, but u have some help. from your family and thats the most important thing to keep on urside. dont let the small stuff break you down because its just going to cause u to go off track and your doing so well ! <3

CurvesColorSparkle said...

first of all YOU ARE NOT A LOSER... get that thought outta ya head!!! when u stop thinking like that, you will start attracting more positive outcomes...you are lucky to not have to pay rent, so be thankful that you dont have that to think about...at the end of everynight, be thankful for a warm bed, and a roof over your head as not many have that... You know how to do makeup, so why not go ahead and put urself out there to do brides, quinceaneras/sweet 16's ... as for not being married and not having a car, BF, and being 26, again u need t change that mentality... u are still young, i have friends in their 30's who are still enjoying being single with no kids... ur negativity attracts negativity, so change how u see life, feel more positive and u will see how quicklu things will change... *huge hug* xx

I wanna be fierce said...

You are not a loser. You going throught a rought patch and my dear it will make you stronger. I'm going through something quite similar. I know things will work itself out. We just have to be patient. Stay positive lady.

-Shakiyla

FROM THE "REZ" TO THE "CITY" said...

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER Stef! Keep applying and something is sure to open up. You are blessed that you have a mother to help you and she understands that you are in a rut right now. When we've done all that we can do we just have to trust in the Lord to do the rest. I know He will open a door for you. Hang in there sweetie...it could be worse! I too am dealing with "funny money and strange change" right now and I work a 9-5 every day!! Sometimes life throws us curves. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Here's a big hug........Kiah

Tracy said...

Count your blessings that you have a family that loves you and wants to be there for you. Imagine being in the same position with no one to turn to! We all go through rough patches like this. I had a friend remind me when things were the darkest, that God can't give us rainbows if we can't withstand the rain!

B said...

Stef, being single doesn't have to do with anything. I've spent the majority of my late teens and early 20's single. And pleasantly so. And I totally agree...at least you have a family that is able to be there for you. And trust me...a car payment and paying my rent alone is certainly not what it's cracked up to be. We're 26. We've got time to get where we need to be.

Melissa said...

Hey Hun,

When i was at uni. I went through the same thing. Trust me everything will work out.

I love your glasses :) The same as mine :)

Be strong.You can do it.
xxxx

WitchHazel said...

I'm sorry to read that you're so down on yourself, Stef. I hope that with the support of your family and friends you can pull out of this funk and things start to get better for you.. people say this to me all the time and I often think it's dumb, but staying positive really does help.. because I realized that negativity feeds negativity and the harder you come down on yourself the harder it will be to recover from the hard times. Take care, and feel better..

BellaVida said...

Everyone feels this way at some time or another. I would encourage you to open your mind and reassess, re-evaluation, make goals, make plans, envision the future that would make you happy then take the steps to get you there.

Bella Vida by Letty
Wishing you the best of luck.

traci's mixed bag said...

Hang in there, you are working but not getting paid yet. One day, you'll be able to buy your mom a car. I can totally relate. Since my husband got sick, I can't go shopping or get a pedicure, or buy makeup, or do any of the things I want to do. We even have to live with my parents which makes me feel like the BIGGEST LOSER alive and makes my husband feel worse. Hang in there.

Passion Parties by Pattie said...

You are definitely not a loser! You are blessed in more ways than you know. You can see that the barriers will be lifted and you will get through this, as you have done in the past. I know that it may be slower than you hoped for, but challenges are what make you, you! Love and hugs.