Saturday's with Stef: Casual Sex is not my style....

12:00 AM


Loving my ex for 11 years is all I have known and even though he hasn't been the only man I have slept with, with he technically has always been the CONSTANT penis in my life. Yeah I said it...

Sex is HUGE for me. Its not something I do nonchalantly, its something I take very seriously.
I know for some IT'S JUST SEX.....

For me, it's NOT just sex. It's sharing bodily fluid. It's emotion...and yes, Horny is an emotion! Sex isn't a joke to me. I know someone on her third kid from her third guy whom she hasn't even been with half a year...I am not one to judge but seriously, I get slack for not having kids and not having boyfriends? -Shakes my head in amazement-

Truthfully I rather be a prude. I don't care. I don't have kids because God decided to not put me in that situation. Truthfully, if I didn't miscarry, I would be a single mom. And I know MANY single moms, hell my mom was one...but I am positive my life wouldn't be so great if I had a kid. Me being able to study Journalism in Puerto Rico wouldn't have happened, all my opportunities wouldn't have happened....

Casual sex is not for me. I don't knock it, to each their own, but it's NOT for me.

This whole dating thing is just INSANE. Guys expect sex. Guys expect kisses. Guys expect a lot for wanting to take you out. Whatever happened to picking up a girl, going to dinner then maybe somewhere fun like the L.A Observatory. What happened to not forcing me to like them?

Men scare me. I am gonna be the FIRST to admit this. My ex cheated on me. While I was at home cooking, cleaning and folding his laundry, not only was he doing, buying & selling drugs. My ex was a meth head. He also would rent motel rooms and say he was at a N.A meeting to meet up with these women and have sex with them then come home to have sex with me , without me knowing what he just did. I sat there through his rehab, I sat there through his come downs, I sat there and was treated poorly....sex was his "It will be better", it was his "I'm sorry" yet it was also his, "I got you wrapped around my finger and I am having sex with other girls hahaha to you"....Its a nasty feeling. Knowing you were having sex with someone who had sex with strangers for drugs.
I guess this all comes up because I think men look at me and want to take me out thinking I am gonna give it up to them. 

Sex isnt a joke to me and until these douchebags get it through their thick skull that I am NOT gonna be their call girl, I refuse to date anyone who I feel has those intentions.   

My gut is always right....

I will not be the girl who opens her legs just to get a man to love her.

I will not be the girl who thinks sex is a game.

I will not be the girl who lets a guy uses her for sex.

Its not my style....






11 comments:

Sophie in Real Life said...

i think that it is so brave of you to say this. i think a lot of people, men and women, avoid these kinds of topics and the fact that you explained your situation was so brave and actually brought REAL meaning to your message rather than a theoretical message.

Marta said...

Well said!

Big Mark 243 said...

Kudos to you Stef... as I have grown older it seems as if things have changed... from guys trying to impress girls, to girls doing everything they can to GIVE boys what they want rather than making them prove themselves that they are worthy...

Barry said...

Sex means something different to everyone. I've experienced sex with my spouse, sex with those I've dated casually and sex with someone who's name I didn't know where not a word was spoken.

Each has their place, each (to me) is valid but it's also very important to realize that our view will not always coincide with what someone else believes. Views on having kids, dating and sex are very individual and should never be forced on someone else. If a guy you're with is into sex on a first date that's fine for him but he needs to respect that you're not.

There's a world of difference between being sexual and being easy. You've always struck me as being pretty comfortable with your sexuality Stef, which as you know is one of the things that first drew me to you. There is of course nothing wrong with that but it doesn't solely define who you are as a person. In other words, you're not just a girl who enjoys sex but someone who has real emotions, and above all self-respect.

I often have very personal conversations with my closest female friends, some of whom are intensely sexual. I love these talks and getting to know this side of them. But I also realized early in life that regardless of how much a woman enjoys sex it doesn't mean she deserves to be treated differently than anyone else.

Whether you're into casual sex or only sleeping with someone within a monogamous relationship, whether or not you have a boyfriend, whether you have no kids, one or seven it's no one's business but yours. The only person who can live your life for you is YOU.

I love who you are Stef. Your confidence, insecurities, passion, your hot-blooded Latina temper, your sexual side, your compassion and your friendship. Posts like this always make me smile because you're asserting your worth as a woman and saying that no one will walk on you. That's huge to me, and always makes me happy. I hope we're forever friends.

xoxo

DJ BERN said...

I say different strokes for different folks (no pun intended) BUT if a chick is into casual sex she isnt for me. I havent had sex.... lets just say its been a while by choice, cause I dont have sex unless I can see myself having and raising a child with that person.

Thant being said we'd have some cute kids. Just saying, not saying or suggesting!!!! LOL

Deidre said...

Good for you!

I also take sex very seriously, and I don't think I could EVER handle casual sex.

Maybe it is naive and old fashion of me, but I think sex should be between two people who love each other

BellaVida said...

Keep trusting your gut and making the choices that are right for you.

Best wishes
Bella Vida by Letty

Fashion.MakeUp.LifeStyle said...

SPEECHLESS!!! And this is exactly why I love you and always known what a special soul you have doll.


<3 Marina
Fashion.MakeUp.LifeStyle

stephanie said...

i think you should take a lot at my blog. i write about this a lot, especially lately. i think you'd get something from my experiences. i've known that feeling and maybe you'd understand it better hearing it from someone who's been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

kristie said...

wow, powerful post Stef. thanks so much for sharing on such a sensitive subject.

WitchHazel said...
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