Last night it occurred to me...I may be a loser!
I have never been the type of person be out EVERY day of the weekend. In fact, I go to bars and clubs twice a year. Sad huh? But it had me thinking about being isolated.
I met ALL the men in my life through an acquaintance or school. Now that I am single, I realize, I just may have to GO OUT THERE and find a man. Scary...at least for me. So weekends you can find me in bed with Chloe, watching Dateline or 20/20....even if I am feeling adventurous, I'll go to redbox and rent a movie (daring huh?). How in the world am I suppose to meet men?
Which leads me too....
So I have been eying this one guy for some time now. He works in radio and has LOTS of females (I call them groupies) all over him. Beautiful ones too...thin, beautiful women, whom I am pretty sure he can have in a drop of a dime.I like him. I do. He's funny, kind, caring and actually smart. Problem is, I feel like every time I feel like he takes interest in me, he backs away. Which is confusing and not to mention, hurts my ego. I start questioning, "Am I too ugly for him?", "Is he too cute for me?", "Is he out of my league?" And then the BIG ONE: "Am I too fat for him?"
Yes it all comes down to weight.
-Sighs-
I am not even sure I want a relationship...I just wanna have fun. Is that so wrong? And I wanna have fun with him! But here I am once again, blogging about something I am insecure about. No matter how many friends tell me he isn't that cute, I still question, "Could it be my weight?"
In 2009 I had my eyes set on this Deputy I work with. With charm and my persuasion, I actually got him. Which totally boosted my ego. However, this guy is different. I don't want to use my regular charm on him. I actually wanna be able to have some tacos and watch TV with him. It's as simple as that. It's like I become a little school girl whenever I see him post on Facebook. Any crazy, sexy, cool I have in me, TOTALLY GOES OUT THE DOOR!
He does events at clubs and pubs and such, but truthfully I am not another groupie. HELL! I don't even listen to him when he is on the radio. But I guess it all comes down to my insecurity.
My friend Rachel over at
WHERE THE WEST MEETS SOUTH wrote a wonderful piece on weight. I have known Rachel FOR YEARS! In fact, I was drawn to her in High school because
A) She shared my love for the written word and
B) Unlike most wannabee's in our High School, she actually loved English like me! Not to mention she had me laughing until my side hurts.
Anyways, back to what I was saying, she wrote this wonderful piece on weight and how we need to love ourselves. It was a
REALLY great piece and I recommend checking it out.
So I read the piece over and over, Rachel is right. I do love myself...however, I need to be SUPER confident and not worry about my weight so much.
I just really like this dude and it's really confusing. I don't wanna seem like I am a bugger either. So I kinda just wait for him to notice me. Which he does. When my grandfather was dying, out of all his 5,000 friends, he actually messaged me and told me to keep my head up. Sometimes he replies back to my comments. Other times we email or text one another.
I need to grow some confidence ASAP....
So with that said, I just wanna date again. I wanna be swooned.
-Sighs-
Any tips?
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