Saturday's with Stef: Where have all the DECENT men gone?

12:10 AM



I'm talking about the guys who sweep a woman off their feet. Who picks them up for a nice dinner and conversation. Open the car doors and building doors. A man who pays for the check on the first date and makes sure the date doesn't end there. A man who walks me to the door and feels the butterflies of "Should I kiss her? Should I just hug her?" The guy who texts me every morning and night. The men who are respectful, loyal, honorable, handsome, funny, smart, independent, caring, kind, intelligent and all the wonderful things I want my future husband to be.

So where are all the decent men?

The men I have been talking to, dating are dogs. Yes I said it, DOGS. Just last night I was on Facebook and saw a guy I went on a few dates with comment on a woman's profile, "Let me go over and keep you warm." A woman I am 100% positive he didn't know ( Thanks Ticker for letting me see that!) I was disgusted! I get men will be men, but come on! There's a fine line between being a man and being a cochino (A dirty bird for you non-Spanish speaking readers). This was the SAME guy who didn't open the doors for me, same guy who took me to a REALLY cheap restaurant and was picky about what I ordered. The same guy who drove off as soon as I got out of the car....The same guy who hasn't called me in two weeks because I refuse to be his friend with benefits.

Decent men, where art thou decent men?

You know, I truly hope this "wait" is Gods way of picking out a man who MARVELOUS! Who is just so darn AMAZING. Because this, in all honesty is getting RIDICULOUS...

I think Gods punishing me.
I do.

These men I have been coming across are COCHINOS!
And they were raised by respectable women?? I DON'T THINK SO!

Asking me for nudes the day after is gross.

Asking for me to "touch" you a certain way is pathetic!

Seriously, if I wanted to be treated like a two-bit hooker Id just be one! But I'm a lady...SWOON ME the old fashioned way!

Decent men, where art thou decent men?


Barry said...

Having known you for some time Stef I'd like to tell you how I see it from a man's point of view.

It's not a stretch to say that most single guys (and some married) will take sex whenever and wherever they can get it. Some are gentlemen, most aren't. You're an intelligent, compassionate and caring person. You're a lady first, but you're very sexual and very comfortable expressing that openly. You love being a woman, it shows and men are drawn to you for it.

There's nothing wrong with that of course, I love this about you. Unfortunately some guys read it as a sign that you'll give it up easily. It seems a woman can't be open about craving and enjoying sex without also being seen as easy. There's a huge difference.

There's nothing I'd want to see you change, I hope all this doesn't have you wondering if it's anything you're doing. I don't believe it is, I just think you haven't met the right guy yet. One who appreciates your sexuality but also sees all the amazing things inside you, and is happy to spend time getting to know who you are. Once that connection is established he'll be glad he did. You're so worth waiting for.


Ola Dipo said...

awww, Barry had me smiling. Ok so first of all, i just realize that i don't have you on my daily reads list, lets just say i dealt with that lol.
second of all, when i look at you i see Jennifer lopez, eva longoria, penelope cruz and some other gorgeous latina women mixed are that beautiful
And i'm sure you're just as beautiful inside as you are on the outside
My friend once told me that men know good women, if they don't approach you its because they're not ready for you because they know you're not one to mess around.
now the low down dirty skanks who behave like cochino's? they are just a waste of time that will be so worth it when the real he comes along
until then, just remain classy, lovely and a lady.
Girl, i need to take my own advise lol

Big Mark 243 said...

Maybe the decent men really are few and far between... I don't know because I don't date men!

Yet I do observe and have mused on why it seems that there is a shortage of decent men. One, is that women compete for the same kind of man, even as unique as each one of you are. Two, because of the aforementioned 'competition', some men have decided to choose from the 'low hanging fruit', and unfortunately, there is a lot of woman who do 'hang low'.

Third is that a number of men in our culture have found themselves 'lost' in the the information age. The qualities that once defined manhood and courtship have morphed into something that is far from being 'traditional'. Women are educated and have more opportunities than ever before and men who cannot compete, are instead 'quitting', finding themselves marginalized, playing computer role-playing games and lost to hustling their way through life.

I think that it is on the women to be more discriminating when it comes to dating... you did the right thing in both realising that the guy was a douche when you went out with him and was able to see for yourself on Face Book...

Keep working on you and I am sure that the right person will find you!

AmazinglyOrdinary said...

Ello Darling!
At 22 it seems I all I have been able to find lately is no good men who are only out there to get what they can. You are right, and to me it seems much more a product of society than just a fluke or aka my bad luck.
Then I gave up attempting to fit into a little curvy box of a female and started to love who I was and be very selfish about my time.
In order for anyone to value your time it's almost like you must fight to keep it. A man who fights for your attention will find it rewarding to gain, and a treasure to keep.
About 2 months ago I broke up with an older man who was less mature than my 17yr brother. Told him I was better off alone and I moved on ... alone.
I was done with being used as a sugar mama/younger woman/warm hole/easy meal for all men!

Then a young man I knew from work happened to privy a little information to my open ears and I gave him sound advice from a friend. To me this has been the key to my new relationship. I was selfless in friendship yet selfish in my time. Men are still humans, and not all are bad.
This has been the best and most rewarding relationship! Don't give up because there is someone out there worthy of you, and just like you. Just keep in mind, the better the catch you are(which trust me you are!!) the harder it will be to find someone who is just as unique!
I think I found mine!!

B said...

Decent men are out there, Steffie. I've met many and married one. You gotta go beyond LA and beyond Cali. And certainly beyond the age of 30.

Angel Garcia said...

Hahaha I think everyone is always asking themselves the same question! Where are they? "Sigh" We can only dream of Mr. Perfect..

All the best, ~Angel

Anonymous said...

Those cookie monster nails just made me do nothing but smile :D As far as decent men, honey they are extinct. They just don't raise them like they used too.

WitchHazel said...

I think you hit the nail on the head Stef - it's the way they were raise.. and sadly, it doesn't seem like many men of our generation were raised to love, respect, adore, and admire good women.