SATURDAY'S WITH STEF: Love is in the Air...

 

I can sit here and spill my guts about how I met a boy at 15 and it changed my life forever ( HERE ). I can tell you about the abuse he put me through and so on. But I've written about the domestic, verbal, and mental abuse he put me through repeatedly, not to remind myself of the pain, but to remind myself that THAT ISN'T LOVE. 

I can spill my guts how my dads lack of involvement played a part in me choosing men. I can tell you how my grandpa treated me like a princess....But you guys have already read that.

I write what I feel. I write it raw, I do VLOGS as raw as possible. No editing, no beating around the bush. Why? Because I hope someone, some woman, out there in the world doesn't feel so alone and knows that if I can make it, so can they. 

I know what it's like to want to not wake up. I know what it's like to think about death every five seconds, thinking the world would be better off without you. I know what it's like to think, "I deserve this!" All the bad stuff, all the abuse, I thought I deserved it. I was convinced it was "Love."

Truth is, I didn't know what love really was until I started loving myself. 

That's right, MYSELF!

Self-love is the best love. 

It's taken me some years to get to know parts of me that I find absolutely beautiful. The flaws are even beautiful. I know I am not perfect. Every day I am still learning about myself. Every day I am still loving myself a tad bit more than I did the day before. 

It's a process too....loving yourself is a process. 

Doesn't happen over night. But if you put work into yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually like I have done (still doing) You get there. You learn to love yourself and I can't even tell you or even begin to tell you how amazing self-love feels...because it just feels amazing.

Abuse isn't love. 

I ask those of you suffering from Domestic Violence to please seek help and get out, love yourself and do better.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
800-799-SAFE (7233)
 

DELICIOUS DAMES: Be You. Be Beautiful!

 

I have always struggled with my weight. At one point, I was a slave to the scale, my weight number, the mirror and the opinion of society that believed "Skinny is beautiful." I openly talk to you about these things. I constantly make sure you as women (and men) know that YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY THE SCALE, SOCIETIES OPINION OF BEAUTIFUL OR THE CELLULITE ON YOUR THIGHS.

When my friend Nina sent me this shirt, I did a lot of reading on Delicious Dames. It's everything I am constantly trying to preach. 

The beginning of their "About Us" struck chords with me: "Delicious Dames is a website designed to help shape the perceptions women have of themselves, the media, and overall body wellness. Our audience is anyone who embodies our mission to promote body wellness in America."

There are so many times I stood in the mirror and hated my reflection. It wasn't until I started living for me, I started to realize I am beautiful no matter what size. I realized that if I don't like what I see in the mirror I have two options: Leave it alone and be miserable or change it and start being happy. I started to change. Losing weight does mess with my mentality. However, I am not the little girl who stood in the mirror at one point wanting to kill herself because she wasn't a Kim Kardashian clone.

I am Stefanie. I have curves. I have loose skin. I have stretch marks. I have cellulite and my thighs touch. I love every ounce of me and you should too.

Delicious Dames is such an awesome brand that I walk around and promote because it's everything Ifcurvescouldtalk.com embodies!

 

Please take a look at Delicious Dames and start being the beautiful you that YOU ARE!

It;s such a positive, wonderful, amazing website that I would LOVE to see more of! xoxo

deliciousdames.com or click HERE

A BIG THANK YOU TO NINA FOR THIS SHIRT AND INTRODUCING ME TO DELICIOUS DAMES!

VLOG: Forgive Myself

SATURDAYS WITH STEF: The Insecure Woman in Me

 

Sometimes my insecurities are draining to those around me...

Sometimes I walk into the world as if I am a Victoria Secret model.

I have NEVER claimed to FULLY love myself. I am human and have my highs and lows...like ALL humans do.

I often compare myself to other girls. I often have this mental image of the old "Stefanie" in my head and I let the MENTAL part of weight loss gets to me. I understand to those around me, it can be draining. 

I know this is something I need to work on and change...and I am in the process of doing so. Its a challenge most days and most days it comes as easy as a summers evening breeze. 

I EXPECT my friends to speak up and say, "Stef! Stop that shit!" Pardon my French...my best friend Alicia does when I go to THAT place and it puts me IN my place! Those who aren't my friend, I can understand where its draining. I apologize for that. 

But I will NEVER apologize for my journey to get there. 

It cant come from some self-help book. It cant come from others. It comes FROM WITHIN ME! Anything you want to get over, anything it starts with YOU! 

I'm not perfect.

I have my days. Some days its BAD and some days its not.

I'm human.

I am real.

I am me....

CHEERS TO INSECURITIES!

CHEERS TO FIXING THEM ON YOUR OWN!

 

Saturday's with Stef: A Work in Progress

 

Once again, I am going out on a limb here and posting a picture I have had to wait on and think about for a few days now. Something I am INCREDIBLY insecure about, my stomach.

But I thought, SO WHAT! Lets just get this over with.

Someone is gonna love the sh*t out of this body some day. Who wont be afraid to run his hands across and hold me. And I promise it too will happen to you, those who write me about a man never gonna love them because of thier body and what it looks like UNDER clothes.

It has taken me YEARS to do this, show you this kind of picture. Why? Because in the past I wasnt always this proud of myself. I wasnt always sure of myself. Lets face it, I went out with men who never acknowledged my effort and weightloss. Who tore me to shreds mentally and emotionally. Who chose thinner women over me. 

This is me. 

It's my shell FOR NOW. So I might as well love it. I have to live with it every single damn day of my life. Its my "work in progress." It's something I can look at in the mirror and say, "GO ME!!"

Loving yourself is thee hardest thing in the world. 

It takes a lot of strength and courage to love yourself. Most people dont. 

Love yourself.

It is one of the most greatest feelings in the world.

A love like no other.

A love so sacred that no one can even touch.

I am a work in progress....

In fact, I think I will always be.

So what I am saying to you and hoping you are reading this and memorizing is:

LOVE YOURSELF AND THE WORLD WILL LOVE YOU BACK!

Saturday's with Stef: And I wait.......

 

They say good things come to those who wait. Others will argue and say good things come to those who get up off their butt and work for it.

Ive worked hard to get where I am. I have endured many "beatings" and have walked through hell. I survived. Times I lost my life vest, I kept swimming. And when my little legs were tired, I kept them moving to stay afloat. I truly believe anything good that comes my way is because I deserve it.

I know in time my love life will fall into place and I will find a good man who makes me realzie whey it never worked out with anyone else. I have to have faith that he will accidentaly walk into my life and purposely stay. Someone who will keep this time and not throw me back because he found a girl whos prettier, thinner and better than me in every way. I have to believe he is out there in a world full of douchebags.

Someone who chooses me.

I think with summer here, the couples are out and the summer nights make me feel even more alone. No one to hold hands with, kiss, and hug anytime I want to. Someone who I can say, with sureness, loves me for me. Who will fight for me, with me, and wont ever leave my corner of the ring. Ride or die. 

As much as I love myself, I am bursting at the seams to love and be loved back. But I know, this time, God is gonna be picky. He's gonna bring me a good man. A man who doesnt care about the number on the scale. A man who doesnt care about my naked face. A man who is just so wonderful.

And I wait.

Patiently.

Theres nothing I can do but continue to love myself, work on myself and let the chips fall where they may.

Life is good right now.

But patiently I wait....

VLOG: The Revolving Door

Saturday's With Stef: My Stripes

 

I am very aware of what I am posting...in fact, I sat on this for two whole weeks before I FINALLY said, "Do it Stef!"

These are my stripes

My stretch marks.

I never had them this bad until I lost weight. I never even knew they existed until I lost weight, but now, they are apart of who I am. This is what parts of my stomach looks like. Proud?  50/50...These stretch marks tell my story. A story of sadness. A story of finding happiness. A story of finding SELF-LOVE. 

So many women look at me and think I  have this GREAT body under my clothes. I don't. In fact, far from it. Heres me with clothes on...

No stripes! 

But this isnt about revealing myself.

Its letting women know that no body is a perfect body.

When I look at the first photo, I am reminded that I have come a LONG way and I will never, nor even strive to be, an Adriana Lima.  I am Stefanie. These are my stripes. These stripes symbolize my struggle. One I am working on STILL. Yes, I am VERY aware that the first picture isnt appealing to the opposite sex.

I am fully aware of that. I mean, let me be honest, being intimate with a man is on my "FREAK OUT" list. Let a man SEE my stripes? NERVE-WRECKING. But I read a Kat William quote and it made me giggle,

"We don't have no time to worry bout no sh** like stretch marks... They came from either 1 of 2 things... Either you was big & got small, or you were small & got big ! Either way we f***ing... Either Waaay!" 

I asked a few male friends about this and they agreed. I think as confident as I am, the stretch marks will always be a reminder to me that I am not perfect and no matter how much weight I lose, I still have my stripes. If a man digs my stripes, more power to him for actually looking past my beautiful flaw ( & we all know men get stretch marks too!)

This is me. Stretch marks and all. I love myself enough to say, "Take it or leave it" These stripes, these badges of being a woman, has molded me into who I am. I cannot change this. My stripes are HERE to stay no matter what I do to "lessen them"

So I say this to you....LOVE EVERY INCH OF YOURSELF.

There's no greater joy and feeling from LOVING YOURSELF.

You may have bad days, heaven knows I do, but love yourself and accept your flaws. Embrace em!

HERE'S TO STRIPES!

HERE'S TO FLAWS!

HERES TO SELF-LOVE

HERE'S TO BEAUTY IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES!

Stretch marks and all....

VLOG: Love yourself & the World Will Love You Back!

Weekly Weigh-In: 0.2 Ounces LOST!

 

I lost 2 ounces ---OUNCES IS BETTER THAN NOTHING!

I was PMSing last week and did go over my points, even my allowance points. -shrugs-

Mother nature wants wheat mother nature wants.

As long as I am losing I am cool. Whether it be ounces or pounds, losing is ALWAYS good.

BUT, yes there is a BUT if I gain, I know I can always start fresh.

I wish I had known back in the day what I know now...

In high school, I was a size 12 and to society and peers, that was FAT.

There was a girl who thought she was thinner than me but really wasn't, who once posted a picture of my Sadie's Hawkins date (who just so happened to be her crush and obsession) and mines picture all over the school with the word "Fat" written all over me. I also had a certain family member who I went to high school with call me "Fat"  behind my back.

I WAS BULLIED.

Even though the girl is HUGE now and lives  a pretty sad life and that family member ended up living a hard and bad life, I cant help but to feel sorry for them or anyone who finds the need to pick on someones weight. For they are sad people and picking on others makes them feel better.

I was NO beauty Queen in High School....but hell, I think I was beautiful! 

Only if I had excepted my curves sooner in my life would I have spared me all the Self-hate I had for myself. 

So, if you are a younger woman or a woman who is simply getting picked on because of their weight, I say this to you....:::

Weight doesn't define who you are! The scale does not determine if you are beautiful. YOU HAVE CURVES. You have meat on you....OWN IT!! People all over the world pay to look more voluptuous! Pay to have curves! Pay to have some meat on them! 

OWN THAT MEAT ON YA!

 YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! SO WALK AROUND LIKE YOU GOT A CROWN ON YOUR HEAD ALL DAY, EVERY DAY! LOVE YOU AND THE WORLD WILL LOVE YOU BACK 10 FOLD!